The Daily Prophet July 31st, 1998 Price: 7 Knuts
MUGGLES NOT AS STUPID AS WE THINK, SAYS MINISTRY REPORT
A long awaited report entitled 'A Study Into Muggle Suspicions About Magic' concludes that Muggles actually notice a lot more than most wizards realize. We learn that wizards are responsible for crop circles (entries in The Annual Wizard Gardening Competition, Contorting Cereals class) and UFOs (escaped Quaffles). The problem of where to properly hide the publicity-seeking kelpie in Loch Ness is also discussed (Hagrd offered the school lake).
FAULTY WANDS RECALLED
The Department of Magical Equipment Control (sic) warns folks about unsafe wands sold in Diagon Alley by one "Honest Willy Wagstaff." St. Mungo's has reported a sharp increase in the number of wand-related burn injuries in the last month.
MADAM MALKIN'S ROBES FOR ALL OCCASIONS Summer Sale On Now!
A variety of robes are on sale, including, self-ironing, slimming, fattening, temperature-adjusting, and plain. Free frog-skin belt with purchase.
Quidditch League Table & Match Information
The thirteen teams in the British and Irish League are listed with their current point totals. Tutshill is in the lead with 750, while the Cannons bring up the rear with 230 points. Forthcoming matches are listed for Saturday and Monday. Warning not to cheer too loud at Yorkshire Moors match because Muggles come looking.
CANNONS GO DOWN IN A SHOWER OF ARROWS
The Chudley Cannons lost 350-nil to the Appleby Arrows because of their Seeker, Galvin Gudgeon, missed the Snitch a dozen times.
MAGPIE CHASER "ONLY TRIED FOOTBALL FOR A LAUGH"
Magpie Chaser Alasdair Maddock has been showing a bizarre fondness for Muggle sports lately.
The Puddlemere United team will be changing their robe colours from mudbrown to something 'more striking'. There is talk of using chameleon cloaks.
Holyhead Harpies draw record crowd
Gwenog Jones comments on the ever-increasing number of fans of the Harpies, and Finbar Quicley of the Ballycastle Bats says that he doesn't dare disagree with her or he might be turned into a woodlice.