HPL: Daily Prophet newsletters

The Daily Prophet newsletters

"Muggles Not As Stupid As We Think, Says Ministry Report"
-- headline of the Daily Prophet

In the late 1990s, Bloomsbury created an Official Harry Potter Fan Club and invited folks from Britain to join. There was no United States chapter of the club. One of the perks for joining the Club was several issues of The Daily Prophet, a three-page newsletter detailing the goings-on in the wizarding world. Each of these newsletters bore the notice © J. K. Rowling and according to Bloomsbury (email dated 2 June 2004) was written by her (also SDNY).

The newsletters were clearly written early in Rowling's creation of the Harry Potter mythos. Some terms are different and a few facts just don't jibe with the established story of the books. Overall, however, the news bits and sports reports fit right into the "look and feel" of the Rowling's world. The names and the events bear the marks of humor and parody which all of Rowling's writing shows. The names of some minor characters, for example Gwenog Jones, are found in the newsletters and turned up in Famous Wizard cards, in the Schoolbooks, and eventually in the novels. The dates on each issue are the dates of the club; they don't fit into the timeline of the series which was not established very well at that point.

Synopsis of each issue:
(special thanks to Trish Drasnin)

July 31st 1998
Feb 8th 1999
June 1st 1999
Oct 1st 1999

July 31, 1998 The Daily Prophet Price: 7 Knuts

The date is that of the actual publication of this newsletter and does not correspond with the dates of the stories.

Page 1 - Headlines:
MUGGLES NOT AS STUPID AS WE THINK, SAYS MINISTRY REPORT
Report tells that Muggles notice things like "crop circles," which are really entries in the Annual International Wizard Gardening Competition's contorting cereals division, and UFOs, which are really escaped Quaffles. It mentions the fact that Hagrid has offered the Hogwarts Lake for relocating the Loch Ness Monster.

FAULTY WANDS RECALLED
A warning from the "Department of Magical Equipment Control" about a shady street peddler in Diagon Alley named "Honest Willy Wagstaff." That department doesn't exist as we now know the Ministry to be organized, but at the time this was written Rowling hadn't finalized the makeup of the Ministry, as evidenced by similar non-existent departments mentioned in books 1-3.

Advertisement:
Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions - Summer Sale on Now

Page 2 - Sport
Quidditch League Table and Match Information
The Tornados lead the League and the Cannons are at the bottom. Upcoming matches and locations are announced.

CANNONS GO DOWN IN A SHOWER OF ARROWS
Discussion of Chudley's defeat by Appleby, with mention of Galvin Gudgeon's pathetic performance as Seeker for the Cannons.

MAGPIE CHASER "ONLY TRIED FOOTBALL FOR A LAUGH"
In this first of a series of articles over the course of the Daily Prophets, we learn that Alasdair Maddock, Chaser for the Magpies, is becoming inordinately fond of Muggle sport.

A couple of small news bits reveal that Puddlemere United will be changing the color of their robes to blue and that no one dares disagree with Gwenog Jones, the brilliant but dangerous Captain and Beater of the all-witch Holyhead Harpies. The color change of the robes presents a bit of a problem for canon, since the new blue color (blue) would have come into use before the edition of Quidditch Through the Ages was released which we have in Muggle form.

page 3 - Letters Page
Letter with the following headings:
Star Letter from Ethelbald Mordaunt about the misconduct of his neighbor, who bewitches his garden furniture
"Gripe with Gringotts Bank" about their use of Sphinxes as guards
"Gobstones Tournament Overlooked," a complaint that the Prophet doesn't cover Gobstones events enough
"A Word in Support of Hags," sent in by a Hag who tries to sound homey and cheerful but offers babysitting services
"Merlin Remembrance Day Suggestion," which is clearly an attempt to create a new holiday just for the day off work

Feb 8th 1999 The Daily Prophet Price: 7 Knuts

Front Page Page 1 - Headlines
ENQUIRY AT THE IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE - disappearance of a Muggle "tube train" leads to the suspension of a Ministry of Magic employee.
[Cornelius Fudge is incidentally revealed as a gobstones fan.] The Daily Prophet reporter (unnamed) reveals that the offender is the Minister's nephew, Rufus Fudge, who did it for a bet. The Muggles did not notice that the train had gone missing.

CELESTINA WARBECK CONCERT CAUSES BROOM SMASH OVER LIVERPOOL - a three-broom crash over the River Mersey of late ticket holders for the concert.

TROLL RIGHTS MOVEMENT OUT OF CONTROL - anti-troll meeting invaded by Troll Rights activists. Careless club swinging by the trolls knocks out their own spokeswitch.

Separate box contains a reference to an editorial on page 11 (not included) entitled "WHY THE JOKE'S ON THE MINISTRY, NOT THE MUGGLES".

Page 2 - Classified Advertisements
JOBS

"Hit-witch or wizard" for the Magical Law Enforcement Squad
Assistant Manager at Flourish & Blotts
Junior Potions Mixer at Madam Primpernelle's salon
Dragon Feeders for Gringotts Bank
Office Worker for the Society for the Tolerance of Vampires

FOR SALE

Broomstick, Shooting Star
Broomstick, Silver Arrow
Secondhand cauldrons
Chudley Cannon memorabilia - fan making "clean break"
Collected works of Gilderoy Lockhart
Hothouse herbs - bouquets of henbane and belladonna, potted mandrakes
Muggle "batteries" collection - being sold by A. Weasley
Muggle Guards - device shrieks when touched by a Muggle
Secondhand Quidditch balls

LONELY HEARTS

Shy sorcerer seeks wicked witch
Warlock into Transfiguration seeks like-minded witch
Quiet witch seeks non-bat owning wizard
Crazy sorceress seeks wacky wizard

BIRTHS

Egmont Elvert Hobday - a son for Violetta and Hilliard
Griselda Harmonia Jorkins - a daughter for Primrose and Albert and sister for Grimwold and Granville

DEATHS

Advertisement: Transfiguration Today magazine

Page 3 - Sports
Quidditch League Table & Match Information

Ballycastle Bats lead the league with 760 points.
Chudley Cannons are at the bottom of the table with 230 points.

Forthcoming matches listed are:

Wimbourne Wasps v Holyhead Harpies, Exmoor
Chudley Cannons v Wigtown Wanderers, Bodmin Moor
International friendly: Scotland v Transylvania

Headlines:

"BATS SURVIVE THE TORNADOS" - surprise Ballycastle Bats win over former league leaders Tutshill Tornados.
"Maddock blamed for Kestrels win" - Montrose Magpie's Chaser, Alasdair Maddock, lost the game against Kenmare Kestrels because he tried again using techniques from Muggle football during the match.
"Chaos Reigns on Exmoor for Falcons & Pride of Portree" - Ministry's invisibility spell on stadium leads to confusion as no one can see the pitch or the opposing team.
"Wilda wallops the Wigs" - Chaser Wilda Griffiths, poached from the Holyhead Harpies, wins game against Wigtown Wanderers for new team Puddlemere United.
"Cannons Didn't Lose Shock" - Chudley Cannons draw their game against Caerphilly Catapults, breaking a 16-game losing streak.

June 1st, 1999 The Daily Prophet Price: 7 Knuts

Page 1 - Headlines
GOBLIN RIOTS ERUPT IN CHIPPING CLODBURY - B.O.G. (Brotherhood of Goblins) supporters ran riot during a meeting with representatives from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The goblins used illegal wands for transfiguration and called for the release of activist Hodrod the Horny-Handed. Goblin-wizard relations are reported to be at an all time low.

Advertisement: "TerrorTours - action holidays for the wizard family with a sense of adventure" - features castles to rent in Transylvania, Zombie trails and cruises in the Bermuda Triangle.

Letters Pages 2 & 3 - Letters [marked as page 12] PROBLEM PAGE
Letters:

HOW MUCH REVENGE IS SAFE? - reader want to transfigure brother's children after receiving cursed broomstick.
MAKING IT STICK - problems with a Fixing Charm.
I'M TURNING PURPLE - colourful and alarming symptoms explained.
HE SAYS HE HATES ME - witch wants to use Love Potion.

Page 4 - Sports
Quidditch League Table & Match Information

Ballycastle Bats lead the league with 800 points.
Falmouth Falcons are at the bottom of the table with 350 points.

Forthcoming matches listed are:

Holyhead Harpies v Puddlemere United, Ilkley Moor - crowd trouble is anticipated, so wands will be confiscated at the gates.
Chudley Cannons v Falmouth Falcons, Exmoor
Wimbourne Wasps v Kenmare Kestrels, Bodmin Moor
International: English under-17s v Armenian Junior Nationals

Headlines:

MUGGLEMANIC MADDOCK MUST QUIT MAGPIES SAYS MCLEOD - Chaser Alasdair Maddock was sacked by team manager Cormack McLeod prior to the game against Caerphilly Catapults, having been caught trying a Muggle sport that uses "peculiar metal sticks" to hit "non-flying balls into holes in the ground" (golf).
SEEKERS JINXED AS PRIDE OF PORTREE FALL TO THE ARROWS - collision during the race for the Snitch leads to illegal use of wands and jinxes on both teams' Seekers.
BRAND NEW HARPY SAVES THE DAY - replacement chaser for Holyhead Harpies, Valmai Morgan, scores ten goals in latest game. Team captain Gwenog Jones looks forward to grudge match against former Chaser's new team, Puddlemere United.
CHUDLEY CANNON WIN STUNS FANS - narrow win over the Wigtown Wanderers breaks 17-game losing streak.

Oct 1st, 1999 The Daily Prophet Price: 7 Knuts

Page 1 - Headlines
MINISTRY IMPOSES RESTRICTIONS - plans to restrict Hallowe'en celebrations, the one time of year wizards can be "out and about" without arousing the suspicions of Muggles, were announced by Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge.
Celestina Warbeck, the singing sorceress, and others interviewed protest the decision. Dangerous Hallowe'en incidents involve exploding pumpkins and broom accidents, leading to busy wards at St Mungo's Hospital.

NEW POTION GIVES HOPE FOR HAGS - potion that reduces the appetite for human flesh in hags has been developed by Professor Regulus Moonshine.

Advertisement: "Poor memory? ...." Mnemosyne Clinic for Memory Modification promises to restore memory to "natural range" with a simple charm.

Sports Page 2 - Sports
Quidditch League Table & Match Information

Ballycastle Bats lead the league with 820 points.
Falmouth Falcons are at the bottom of the table with 360 points.

Forthcoming matches listed are:

Tutshill Tornados v Wigtown Wanderers, Bodmin Moor
Ballycastle Bats v Caerphilly Catapults - due to Muggles camping on Ellis Moor, venue to be decided.
Kenmare Kestrels v Wigtown Wanderers

Headlines:
- PUDDLEMERE CHASER VANISHES AMID CHAOS AT HOLYHEAD MATCH - Ministry fears of violence at the match between traditional rivals Holyhead Harpies and Puddlemere United were realised when former Harpy, Chaser Wilda Griffiths, disappeared midway during the match. Many Puddlemere and Holyhead supporters had handed in "dummy" wands at the gates and used their real wands during the ensuing riot. Holyhead team captain Gwenog Jones is said to be "helping the Ministry with its enquiries". [N.B. if you are "helping the police with their enquiries" it means you are being held in custody while they gather enough evidence to charge you.]

- CANNONS BLAST THE FALCONS - shock of another Chudley Cannons win causes the collapse of their manager Ragmar Dorkins.

Crossword Advertisement: "Buy your Second-Hand Brooms at SPLINTER & KREEK'S"

Pages 3&4 - Crossword
"Fiendishly Difficult Crossword", clues and answers Clues include:
- 42 Across - The colour of the Quaffle (3)
- 49 Down - Your worst nightmare as a Bertie Bott bean flavour (3)