The Daily Prophet
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Page 1 – Headlines:
MUGGLES NOT AS STUPID AS WE THINK, SAYS MINISTRY REPORT
Report tells that Muggles notice things like “crop circles,” which are really entries in the Annual International Wizard Gardening Competition‘s contorting cereals division, and UFOs, which are really escaped Quaffles. It mentions the fact that Hagrid has offered the Lake at Hogwarts for relocating the Loch Ness Monster.
Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions – Summer Sale on Now.
Page 2 – Sport:
Quidditch League Table and Match Information
The Tornados lead the League and the Cannons are at the bottom.
Upcoming matches and locations are announced.
MAGPIE CHASER “ONLY TRIED FOOTBALL FOR A LAUGH”
In this first of a series of articles over the course of the Daily Prophets, we learn that Alasdair Maddock, Chaser for the Magpies, is becoming inordinately fond of Muggle sport.
A couple of small news bits reveal that Puddlemere United will be changing the colour of their robes to blue and that no one dares disagree with Gwenog Jones, the brilliant but dangerous Captain and Beater of the all-witch Holyhead Harpies.
Page 3 – Letters Page:
Letters with the following headings:
- Star Letter: from Ethelbald Mordaunt about the misconduct of his neighbour, who bewitches his garden furniture.
- Gripe with Gringotts Bank: about their use of Sphinxes as guards.
- Gobstones Tournament Overlooked: a complaint that the Prophet doesn’t cover Gobstones events enough.
- A Word in Support of Hags: sent in by a Hag who tries to sound homey and cheerful but offers babysitting services.
- Merlin Remembrance Day Suggestion: clearly an attempt to create a new holiday just for the day off work.
Calendar and Dates
Although the date printed on the Daily Prophet Newsletter DP1 is 31 July 1998, the timeframe for these events is 1992-1993.
Interesting facts and notes
The published date of DP1 (31 July 1998) is J.K. Rowling's 33rd birthday, and would be Harry Potter's 18th.
I am sorry to hear that you do not feel we give enough coverage to the game of Gobstones. The reason for this is that most wizards find it deeply boring. (the editor's response to an appeal for the Prophet to cover more Gobstones events)
Witches make far better Quidditch players than wizards, everybody knows that. - Gwenog Jones, and no one dared dispute her claim
'[Seeker] Gudgeon certainly missed some opportunities,’ [Cannons manager Ragmar Dorkins] told the Daily Prophet this morning. ‘I mean, the Snitch bounced off his nose twice.’
'[W]e remind the wizarding community that only wands bearing the Department’s stamp are guaranteed safe.' - warning from the Ministry about sub-standard wands
Issue 1 — Daily Prophet newsletter 1