Page 1 – Headlines
GOBLIN RIOTS ERUPT IN CHIPPING CLODBURY
B.O.G. (Brotherhood of Goblins) supporters ran riot during a meeting with representatives from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The goblins used illegal wands for transfiguration and called for the release of activist Hodrod the Horny-Handed. Goblin-wizard relations are reported to be at an all time low.
Two other related articles are mentioned as appearing on other pages:
- Making sure the purchaser of your old wand is human (page 11)
- Why can’t goblins be more like elves? By Winkus Oddpick (page 32)
Advertisement: “TerrorTours – action holidays for the wizard family with a sense of adventure” – features castles to rent in Transylvania, Zombie trails and cruises in the Bermuda Triangle.
Pages 2 & 3 – Letters [marked as page 12]
PROBLEM PAGE letters:
- HOW MUCH REVENGE IS SAFE? – reader wanting to transfigure brother’s children after receiving cursed broomstick.
- MAKING IT STICK – problems with a Fixing Charm.
- I’M TURNING PURPLE – colourful and alarming symptoms explained.
- HE SAYS HE HATES ME – witch wants to use Love Potion.
Page 4 – Sports
Quidditch League Table & Match Information
- Ballycastle Bats lead the league with 800 points.
- Falmouth Falcons are at the bottom of the table with 350 points.
Forthcoming matches listed are:
- Holyhead Harpies v Puddlemere United, Ilkley Moor – crowd trouble is anticipated, so wands will be confiscated at the gates.
- Chudley Cannons v Falmouth Falcons, Exmoor
- Wimbourne Wasps v Kenmare Kestrels, Bodmin Moor
- International: English under-17s v Armenian Junior Nationals
- MUGGLEMANIC MADDOCK MUST QUIT MAGPIES SAYS MCLEOD – Chaser Alasdair Maddock was sacked by team manager Cormack McLeod prior to the game against Caerphilly Catapults, having been caught trying a Muggle sport that uses “peculiar metal sticks” to hit “non-flying balls into holes in the ground” (golf).
- SEEKERS JINXED AS PRIDE OF PORTREE FALL TO THE ARROWS – collision during the race for the Snitch leads to illegal use of wands and jinxes on both teams’ Seekers.
- BRAND NEW HARPY SAVES THE DAY – replacement chaser for Holyhead Harpies, Valmai Morgan, scores ten goals in latest game. Team captain Gwenog Jones looks forward to grudge match against former Harpy Chaser’s new team, Puddlemere United.
- CHUDLEY CANNON WIN STUNS FANS – narrow win over the Wigtown Wanderers breaks 17-game losing streak.
Calendar and Dates
Although the date printed on DP3 is 1 June 1999, the timeframe for these events is 1992-1993.
"I thought we were getting along fine until I heard the first explosion", Royden Poke (Ministry spokeswizard about a goblin riot in Chipping Clodbury)
"Would the Ministry of Magic turn a blind eye if I kidnapped my brother's children and turned them into blood-sucking ferrets?", Buckley Cooper (from a letter to the Problem Page entitled "How much revenge is safe?")
"All right, maybe you do have to be a bit deranged to play golf...", Randolph Pauncefoot (fan of the Montrose Magpies after Chaser Alasdair Maddock was fired after being caught with a set of Muggle "peculiar metal sticks")
- Brodrig the Boss-Eyed
- Angus Campbell
- Buckley Cooper
- Howland Coopey
- Gregory Cotton
- Elveira Elkins
- Mrs. G. F.
- Zamira Gulch
- Hodrod the Horny-Handed
- Grizel Hurtz
- Dougal McBride
- Lilith Molesby
- Valmai Morgan
- Winkus Oddpick
- Randolph Pauncefoot
- Arnie Peasegood
- Josiah Plunkett
- Royden Poke
- Ragnok the Pigeon-Toed
- Barnaby Snell
- Helbert Spleen
- Sidney Todd
- Dempster Wiggleswade
Issue 3 — The Daily Prophet newsletter 3